But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. -Luke 2:19

I found the Spirit of Christmas today and her name was Jenn. I was buying the necessary ingredients for tomorrow’s luncheon (I’ll tell ya all about it later) and noticed how young the check out clerk looked; couldn’t have been older than 21. She also looked a little tired even though you would never know by how quickly she was scanning and bagging my things. I tried to make small talk by asking if she was ready for next week, meaning the rush of the last minute holiday shoppers. I think she must have thought I was asking if she personally was ready for the upcoming Christmas. She answered that she was ready because she just sent her three children to their dad’s house till after Christmas because she didn’t have enough money this year to provide gifts for her 4 year-old daughter and her two sons ages 22 months and 4 months, not even enough for a tree.

She continued to look down while scanning and said that since she couldn’t give them anything on Christmas morning she believed they would be happier to wake up to the gifts their dad could provide. She smiled a little while she said that, maybe imagining their faces when they saw that Santa didn’t forget them this year. The grocery store had cut overtime and she knew her paycheck (that wouldn’t be deposited into her bank account until Christmas Eve) would be lacking. It was okay, she said, because her kids would never know that things were so tight and she could still make the rent payment this month. Then after the festivities of Christmas had passed she would get her babies and bring them home with her.

Her name was Jenn and she was not even five-feet tall with brown hair pulled back in a pony tail and lonely eyes that sparkled when she talked about her kids. I wanted to ask if she would be spending Christmas with her family, but was afraid the answer would be no, so I didn’t say anything. I wanted to tell her that everything would work out and I wanted to tell her how I admired her bravery, but the line behind me was growing and she needed to do her job, so I gave her a reassuring smile and wished her a Merry Christmas.

On the way back to my car and while I loaded up my bags I couldn’t stop wondering what I would do if I were her. Would I keep my kids with me so that I wouldn’t be alone on Christmas or would I let them go so they wouldn’t be without a gift on Christmas? I am a very selfish girl. Tonight we’re celebrating Christmas with Olen’s side of the family since we all won’t be in town for the real Christmas day. Then we’ll spend the real day with my family and more eating and more presents and more family. We get two Christmases and I’ve only been feeling bothered by having to finish half of my gifts a week early for the first Christmas when Jenn won’t even have one.

I sat for a long while in my front seat and said a prayer for that brave little mother doing the best she can. I prayed that she wouldn’t be all alone and that her kids really would have the best Christmas ever so their mom would feel happy about the only gift she could give them. It will probably be the best gift her kids will get this year, and they won’t even know they got it. It’s a mother’s love and selfless sacrifice for the happiness and joy of her children. Not unlike a mother’s love that was felt in a Bethlehem stable over two thousand years ago.

I’ve been thinking about Jenn all day as I’ve been wrapping gifts, baking, cleaning and hugging my kids especially tight. I’ve been waiting to feel that “Christmas Spirit” all month and even with all the gift making, shopping, music, gatherings and traditions it just hasn’t hit me. I kept trying to add things to my life to bring on the Christmas Spirit. It wasn’t until I saw what taking things away from my life would be like that I felt the true Spirit of Christmas, right there in check out lane 24.