Yesterday we went to a new ward after being in the same one for six years. I was, to say the least, home sick. If you didn't already know it; I don't handle change very well. I'm not afraid to admit it. Maybe because it's something that's never going to change. First, I took London to her nursery class. She cried and begged me to stay. I blinked like a humming bird to keep my tears in place and promised to be back soon with a forced smile. Then, I took Porter to his primary class and he sat with his big brown eyes staring at me and trying so hard to look excited sitting down in a row of strangers. I said a little prayer for him. And me.
I went back to check on London and saw her through the peep window standing in the back corner alone with an armful of her favorite toys just watching the chaos around her happen. She needed a hug. She needed me to rush in and save her and tell her to forget about that plan and she could come to class with me. But really that's what I wanted to do. She needed to stay in class and so I stayed behind the door and watched for an hour through the peep window as she continued to stand there clutching her coveted toys, waiting for me to come back. I said a little prayer for her. And me.
My heart was bleeding for my brave children in this brand new but familiar place. Then an elderly grandpa-man walked quickly by and patted my shoulder. He said, "She's gunna be fine." How did he know I was watching my "she"? I turned from the window to tell him thanks, but he was rounding the corner. When I looked back through the peep window, London wasn't in her usual corner. She was making her way slowly to a little girl playing with a shopping cart filled with dolls. London walked up to the girl and stood there starring at her. Then the girl handed my baby a doll and they sat down to play. So I backed away from the door and tried to be brave like my children and walked to my own class kind of feeling like someone might have been watching me through a little peep window.
You expressed that so beautifully. I'm afraid that I'll be doing that very same thing soon, except we've only been here two years. But you wrote it down just perfectly. love you!
ReplyDeleteIt will get better! I am glad you shared this. Change is hard but it can also be so good.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel comfortable and loved in your new ward soon!
I love the way you wrote that!! You know how missed you will be in our ward?? VERY!! You know how much you'll be loved in your new ward?? VERY!! You guys are just those kind of people! Brave sweet kids too!
ReplyDeleteHow brave you all are. I'm sure you'll have dozens of friends in no time; you guys have the kind of personalities that draw people to you. People love to be around you because you make them feel special. You all will do great, and thank heaven for those prayers and the Peephole. :)
ReplyDeletep.s. I need your new address!
ReplyDeleteI will be in your shoes this week. Except I will probably know a lot of people in my new ward in Queen Creek, but my husband and kids won't. I think my boys will be fine, but I might have to watch Rob through a peephole.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Congrats on a girl!! I will find out in a few weeks.
Did you sit by Grandma and Jill in RS? At least you know somebody, right? Change is all part of the journey. And the best thing to do on a new journey is to find the joy in it. Thats my new motto that gets me day to day.
ReplyDeleteLove ya big sis!!!!!!!! Your a great example of strength.